Ok....that's a lie. It's the same old me. I used to make New Year's resolutions. I used to want to lose 10 pounds, eat less crap, eat more healthy, exercise more, blah blah blah. I gave up. Every. Single. Year. Now, yeah, I just want to try to get out of my jammies by noon. And give my kids more of my undistracted attention. That's about the extent of what I'm resolute about. I want to live this year. I want to put down my stupid phone and look at Facebook less, and into the eyes of my children more. I want to yell less and listen more. I want to take a deep breath and remember the amount of time my kids have existed on this earth and decide if my frustration with their incessant babble is warranted or if I just need to put myself in timeout locked in the bathroom with the container of Nutella and a spoon (don't judge me....I told you I gave up on those last 10 pesky pounds)
I see my daughter some days and wonder where the time went. How did I merely blink my eyes and she stopped being a chubby little diaper wearing, paint covered, cuddle bug? How is my baby boy about to start a pre-k prep school? He was just nursing and snuggled in my arms last week! I don't want to miss this! Even on days that I really, really, REALLY want to run away from home to the nearest beach with a little (or big) umbrella drink with my name on it (or on 5 of them). I still want to see their faces as they giggle over something silly, and want to smell their hair after a bath (one that they actually manage to wash their hair and not just pour water on the floor). I want to be part of it. I want to create memories. Both for them and for me. Ones that will carry us through the rough patches....like from 12-20. That is my goal for this year. Same old me, just more present. Not just physically. But mentally and emotionally. And I'm sure I'll screw it up. Regularly. But I'll just pick up that umbrella drink and enjoy in the midst of my chaos. And we will all just figure it out as we go. How's that for a not so resolute resolution? Are you in?